There is a simple truth: people are responsible for their actions. Accountability exists whether we like it or not. But there is also another truth running alongside it: people are shaped by trauma, patterns, and internal struggles that are not always visible. These truths do not cancel each other out. They coexist. So, truth must be balanced — our lived …
Social Media “Therapy” Feels Good, But Gets So Much Wrong
Social media therapy is really frustrating for me. First, let’s define social media therapy, which is the expression of a therapeutic or a right vs wrong concept without expressing the unique value of people and context… which might make the concept completely wrong. For instance, a woman or man creates and shares a video on how their partner is a …
Empathy as a Weapon
Empathy is an important element of connection, but often empathy becomes a weapon when it is expressed for one belief over another or one person or group of people over another. How can we work to not turn empathy into a weapon? Empathy becomes a weapon the moment it stops being rooted in truth and starts being selective loyalty to …
Is Therapy Failing?
The percentage of people that go to therapy increases with each generation with a huge 10% jump from Gen X to Millennial, which should lead to a greater sense of mental and emotional stability. Yet Gen Z reports the highest percentage of mental health issues. Why is this? At first glance, it does seem contradictory: more therapy creates more awareness, …
Confronting Personal Bias
Everyone is subject to bias. Our perception is our world, but it is not necessarily the truth. So, how do we do a good job of getting outside of our bias and looking at our behaviors? We know, perhaps, why we are doing things… our intentions, but we do not know how others perceive and are impacted by our behaviors. …
Working Against Resentment rather than with It
Repairing a relationship that has resentment, broken trust, lack of validation, and poor communication is one of the hardest emotional tasks two people can undertake. The biggest challenge isn’t starting the healing, rather it is continuing the healing without falling back into the same patterns that caused the damage. There are a few core principles that help keep people on …
Turning Reflection into a Decision
Sometimes I really struggle with decisions in relationships. I seem to get stuck in the reflection stage and feel like I want life or the other person to move me forward without actually making a decision. I realize this is not great, and it keeps me stuck in more than one way. A helpful way, I find, to end reflection …
Having Agreeable Disagreements
My wife and I disagree on nearly everything. I am pro-life and she is pro-abortion. I lean conservative and she is liberal. I am Catholic and she is an Atheist. So, how do we talk about the world and our viewpoints? The key question, I suppose, is how do I have disagreements, hear her, validate her, and yet not abandon …
Getting Simple, but Impossible Tasks Completed
There are tasks that I just cannot seem to do. I put them off every single day, and to put them off I either have to alter reality — like I am too busy — or I feel the shame of not completing them. So, how do I get these tasks done? These tasks are not hard, nor are they …
3 Things to Reflect on When in a Difficult Situation
When you are in the middle of a difficult situation — especially when a relationship is struggling — it is very easy to react instead of reflect. Your nervous system is loud. Your emotions feel urgent. Your mind starts writing stories. But growth doesn’t happen in reaction. It happens in reflection. Here are three things to reflect on while you …