Everyone is subject to bias. Our perception is our world, but it is not necessarily the truth. So, how do we do a good job of getting outside of our bias and looking at our behaviors?
We know, perhaps, why we are doing things… our intentions, but we do not know how others perceive and are impacted by our behaviors.
This is a real tension: we live inside our own intentions, but everyone else experiences only our behavior. Closing that gap takes deliberate work, and it doesn’t happen naturally.
First, we need to separate our intention from impact, and do this as a habit and not a one-time insight. Most of us, myself included, over-index on what we meant and do not place enough value on what actually happened. This is training to step outside of your internal narrative.
We must also actively collect feedback from different lenses. You can’t self-diagnose blind spots reliably. You need other people to help, but not just one type of person. The different lenses are instructional. You need insight from people with power (the power lens), peers (the collaborative lens), and people served by you (the impact lens).
Do not seek just any feedback, but try to discover where you are less effective than you think and where you have made things harder without realizing. The idea is to look for patterns and not just one-off comments.
In looking for patterns, also look for emotional residue. Bias often reveals itself indirectly. After interactions, notice if a person was guarded or too agreeable. Use your emotional intelligence to see if something feels off. Your brain might try to rationalize these away. Don’t. Treat them as signals that your perception might be incomplete.
Instead of relying on your memory, use behavioral playback. Your memory is biased toward your story. Instead, try reconstructing events like a neutral observer. What words did you use? What was your tone, timing, and body language? Did you interrupt, assume, or steer the conversation? Try recording a conversation for self-evaluation.
You are trying to build contradiction into your thinking. This is hard if you are hurt, because you want validation, but focus on being good rather than being right. This is the work. This isn’t about self-criticism, rather it’s about widening the frame. You are not looking to prove something, and instead are looking for the truth.
You will never fully escape bias. The goal is not objectivity, as this is impossible. The goal is calibration and getting closer to reality over time.
You are working to be more curious than defensive, faster to update your model of yourself, and more willing to sit in discomfort when your self-image doesn’t match reality.