What Happens to Roles When the Relationship Falls Apart?

I am the provider and she takes care of the kids; a good balance when the relationship is intact. But what about when it falls apart? How do you deal with the feelings of being used, unappreciated, and without help? This is a situation for both men and women as a relationships dissolve. Let’s deal with this alignment issue, but …

The Reflective Framework to Avoid Rigidity and Self-Righteousness

Yesterday, I reflected on being in a relationship where I am changing, but it is not being recognized. The other person is frozen in their image of me. In doing so, I came up with a process of self-assessment, and several things came up that I believe I need to reflect on. First, I need to do a behavior audit, …

Relationship Struggles when You’ve Changed, but are not Finished

I am at the place where I am confident I’ve changed quite a bit, but want to be honest enough to know I am not finished. This is a good tension, and I understand it is the mark of someone who is trying to live in reality rather than narrative. So, what do I do when someone has a perspective …

You Can’t Justify Your Way Past Integrity

I did not tell the truth. I justified this by acknowledging that the person I was talking to was not really honest with me, and there are consequences they will pay for me not being honest. Now, I feel trapped in my life, so what do I do? This isn’t really a question about honesty, rather it is a question …

Is it OK to be Sad?

Often I feel a sense of sadness that makes me want to watch a movie, or lay down, or just cry. I think there is this sense in the world that being sad is not OK, but to counter this I think it is profoundly human. Sadness is not a malfunction. It is a signal. It tells us that something …

The Illusion of Change

In Metaphysics, Aristotle’s “buildable” analogy is a construct on potentiality versus actuality. A block of bronze can be a statue, but it is not one. Nothing about its existence obligates it to ever become one. This is also an important construct for relationships in regard to change, and the question of when you should leave a relationship. There are four …

How to Sit with Pain

I got into an argument with someone, and sent them a message about boundaries that I needed to respect myself. At the end of the message I mentioned that I could not complete a project with this person. Of all the talk about connection and boundaries, the person responding only to the project. They wanted to make sure they were …

What is the Difference Between Being Selfish and Self-Respect?

I am encountering a few problems right now with someone. The person is accusatory, and while the person is not entirely wrong, they will also not reflect on their part. It is one-sided and sets me as the abuser and them as the victim. When I choose my own sense of truth — a truth that involves an assessment of …

Facing the Desire to Disappear

Often, I struggle with taking action, and action can be doing something or saying something. I feel stalled or frozen. I don’t want to make a call. I don’t want to send a text. I don’t want to communicate something. It is a bit of a put my head in the sand and hope it disappears, or I put it …