There are tasks that I just cannot seem to do. I put them off every single day, and to put them off I either have to alter reality — like I am too busy — or I feel the shame of not completing them. So, how do I get these tasks done?
These tasks are not hard, nor are they complicated, but somehow they feel impossible. Thus, the problem is not ability, but protection. When a task feels “impossible” but objectively isn’t difficult, it usually falls into one of three categories: unpredictable, exposing, or identity-threatening.
Avoidance is rarely laziness, as it is usually self-protection.
So, here are some practical steps to help you get these “impossible” tasks done.
First, stop asking “Why Can’t I Just Do It?” This question creates shame. Instead, explore what the task threatens. Be specific. Is it competence? Rejection? Being seen? Loss of control? Discomfort?
Avoidance is often your nervous system saying it feels unsafe, even if logically there is no real threat.
Second, separate the task from the narrative. Most avoided tasks are small, but the narrative attached to them is massive. For example, you want to send an email, but you write a narrative that says if you send the email the person might reject you, think you are incompetent, or not enough.
In this, you are not avoiding the email. You are avoiding the imagined identity wound.
So, write down the task and then write down the story. Recognize what you can control and what you cannot control.
Third, regulate before you act. You cannot act clearly when dysregulated. Avoidance shrinks when the nervous system calms. You don’t need courage first. You need regulation first. Courage comes after regulation.
Fourth, shrink the action to something almost embarrassingly small. Avoidance feeds on magnitude. Thus, you don’t do the task, rather the smallest movement towards it. Don’t finish the report, and instead open the document. Don’t call them, but instead type the number. The brain resists starting more than continuing. Your only job is to start.
Fiftth, remove any outcomes from the equation. Most avoidance is outcome-focused. Instead, shift to identity-focused. The result is not your metric. The movement is. You are building identity, not completing tasks.
Sixth, expect emotional backlash. When you act despite avoidance, your mind may say it was stupid or awkward. That is old protection fighting new growth. Do not negotiate with it… move anyway.
Last, track your wins privately. Not for praise and validation, but for self-trust. Each time you act despite discomfort, write it down. Avoidance weakens when evidence of courage accumulates.
Your system might have learned to say “better not,” and that does not make you weak. But what once protected you may now be limiting you. These uncomfortable tasks are often doorways to identity expansion, and that starts with small steps not giant leaps.